Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The best revenge is premature balding
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
