Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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