turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
