And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
