Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.