I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.