My hand turned me down
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.