Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.

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(717): If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone. http://tfl.nu/j92l

Replies (13) Good night (654) Bad night (3062)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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(612): You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized? http://tfl.nu/64yi

Replies (9) Good night (2691) Bad night (709)
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(607): View more from New York

so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.

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(607): so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class. http://tfl.nu/dhq5

Replies (50) Good night (783) Bad night (4789)
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(231): View more from Michigan

we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers

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(231): we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers http://tfl.nu/anad

Replies (33) Good night (8446) Bad night (713)
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(817): View more from Texas

well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

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(817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b

Replies (33) Good night (1746) Bad night (5098)
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(714): View more from California

I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.

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(714): I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest. http://tfl.nu/jip9

Replies (28) Good night (1674) Bad night (6110)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.

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(662): After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do. http://tfl.nu/mztj

Replies (9) Good night (3433) Bad night (1061)
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(347): View more from New York

your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.

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(347): your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward. http://tfl.nu/axq6

Replies (11) Good night (1055) Bad night (3548)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.

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(201): He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/ws8z

Replies (8) Good night (2826) Bad night (1107)
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(240): View more from Maryland

i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence

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(240): i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence http://tfl.nu/n478

Replies (2) Good night (1438) Bad night (667)
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(904): View more from Florida

As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.

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(904): As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now. http://tfl.nu/x89u

Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (383)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.

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(201): Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour. http://tfl.nu/pcyi

Replies (8) Good night (621) Bad night (1280)
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(347): View more from New York

My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted

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(347): My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted http://tfl.nu/iwx2

Replies (4) Good night (1849) Bad night (478)
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(248): View more from Michigan

But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"

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(248): But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?" http://tfl.nu/5x16

Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (651)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.

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(617): Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar. http://tfl.nu/d3zb

Replies (0) Good night (646) Bad night (305)

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