mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm too high and old for this...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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