Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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