some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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