so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
