i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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