I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
