I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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