She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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