my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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