New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
