my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize