If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
