I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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