Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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