i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
