If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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