I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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