I cockslap morals
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
