On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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