If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
