nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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