He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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