I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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