i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
