Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
