Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
