Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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