At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
