so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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