so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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