Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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