we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
