New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
