dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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