Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
