Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
