you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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