well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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