I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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