I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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