thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
