i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
