I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
