They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
