so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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