I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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