she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
