9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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