so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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