We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
