It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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