i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
