I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
