and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
