I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
