dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We have so much sex to catch up on
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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