The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
