it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They took my balls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize