There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
