You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
