I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
