Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
