My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
