I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
