Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
