; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
