I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
