there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
