Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
