Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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