Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
