i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
