who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
