I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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