My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
