Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
