At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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