stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
