I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize