What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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