We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
